Reasons I Don’t Homeschool
December 10, 2010
This is prompted by an article at Front Porch Republic offering shock at concerns about home schooled children and socialization. Yes, a communitarian site finds public schooling antithetical, go figure.
- Homeschooling children would have burdened my wife. While this impediment can be overcome, one shouldn’t gratuitously burden one’s spouse. For some it would have been a joyful burden, but not my wife.
- Public schools aren’t that bad. In fact they can be quite good at educating your child. My son has taken advantage of the gifted and talented program that is being phased out at his level. My daughter has taken advantage of speech therapy. I’m in fact kicking myself for not considering living in Milwaukee when I was down in that area due to the wonderful gifted and talented programs they have.
- There are two ways to protect one’s child. a) One can insure one’s child doesn’t encounter adversity. b) One can train one’s child in how to deal with adversity. My mother looked at me with shock when I proclaimed that my 7-year-old wasn’t really a child any more. He was no longer going to be doting because my pleasure was all he needed. I am still surprised at the benchmark myself. This is the age the Church says a child is capable of committing sin, and there is wisdom there. At one time, I thought the best course would be to shelter my child until he was past college. With the benefit of seeing the experiences of others, I can see that that philosophy doesn’t solve any problems; it makes different ones. You would think preachers’ kids would be so much better than average children, but instead they are a perplexing stereotype we laugh awkwardly about.
- The whole idea that America was built by commonsense is hooey and propaganda. For those following the royal wedding, it is like the princess bride’s working class millionaire family. The average American has a 6th grade education, and dreaming that your child is going to be the next Bill Gates because he works hard and tries is just so much crap. First, Bill Gates was a Harvard drop out with a millionaire father and a deft mother. Second, I get so sick and tired of hearing Hallmarkian sentimentalism. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard the expression “He could be the next Bill Gates.” I like stories of success as much as the next guy, but once you get beyond the propaganda you find that people that make breakthroughs have advanced educations. (Yes, people thought Einstein wasn’t that smart, for a bachelor level physicist. If people think your little Johnny is under-appreciated when he’s at that level, I will be more understanding, not when he is 12 or 14.) At some point, the child has to leave the nest. Mommy and Daddy’s claims about him being above grade level won’t mean anything at some point.
- This whole idea that the impure other is ruining everything has really got to stop. It rains on the just and the unjust. Life happens. People don’t lose their humanity because they are outside of the cult. A kid your child meets in public school (or even the local Catholic school) might just turn out to be a wonderful influence and a great lifelong friend. The kid from your approved family might treat your kid horribly and be an awful influence. Even outside the cult you find parents trying to raise good wholesome children. They might even worry about their daughter coming home after an evening with your son.
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Word of advice, in some areas the law requires that gifted and talented students may be entitled to the same sorts of special services to meet their needs as are other forms of special education students. Now it may sound odd suggesting that gifted and talented is a sort of special ed, but some areas this is what the law basically does.
So if gifted and talented programs are stopped, you can probably still requests special services such as an individual education plan or the like to meet the unique needs of your child.
That being said, if the regular offering are doing the job, I wouldn’t mess with it. Only if your child’s educational needs are failing to be met by the school would I go this route.
Little tip from someone that spent some time hanging around both special educators who also happened to work with gifted students.
Thanks for this M.Z.,
Our kids aren’t in school yet, but we try to think this through on occasion. We’re not sure Flan has the constitution for it, so that might nix it from the start, but if she wants to go that route, there will be a lot of factors to consider. It will depend on our finances, the local school situation, the kids needs etc.
Right now, while Flan supports my study habit, the lads are in daycare and thriving. My three-year old came home knowing how to play chess!!! (Not well, but still.)
I think, like everyone, we have met incredible people who came out of homeschooling, and people who suffered from it. We did our marriage prep with a couple who homeschooled and their kids are amazing. They weren’t really sheltered though. The oldest son even plays football for the local Catholic high school and takes a couple classes there.
One thing I wonder: as a Canadian whose best job prospects are in the U.S., how much grief will my kids get if they refuse to pledge allegiance to the flag? They won’t be pledging any such thing in the academy of my living room.
Most schools don’t do it anymore. Once the cold war ended, it went away pretty quickly.
That said, while I understand not participating in the pledge as a foreign citizen, it seems almost akin to singing another country’s national anthem, a polite gesture not intended to be subversive of your own country.
For the record, I wouldn’t want them doing the pledge even if they were American citizens, as some future children might be. But I’m not sure how far I would push that. I’m not sure the kid needs to be a martyr over this one.
Many of the schools here in CT still have the pledge. My middle son just went through the motions; my younger son has made a point of refusing to stand for the pledge. He has school policy on his side, but has gotten a fair amount of flak, including from some teachers. However, he thrives on opposition, so no harm has been done and I think it has been a valuable lesson for everyone concerned.
I was corrected by my children. I guess they do it still. We stopped doing it in 4th grade when I was growing up.
A friend and I decided to remain seated during the Pledge in high school after reading the Communist Manifesto. Our homeroom teacher went berserk. Our revolution ended.
As far as I know (I’m an expat), the proper etiquette for a foreigner is to stand for the host country’s pledge and anthem, but not to put one’s hand over one’s heart and to remain respectfully silent. Perhaps teachers could be informed of this.
I have taught “homeschooled children”, and I don’t recommend it. This was in the most cultish setting of all: the SSPX. The most interesting thing of all is that I did not perceive the children any less or more virtuous, any more or less culturally astute, than regular kids. A little geeky and weird, and on average less intelligent for their family situation, but they weren’t substantially different than regular kids.
It would be interesting to trace the origins of the whole “home school” movement, particularly in Catholic circles. A lot of it has to do with a bizarre, anti-hierarchical integrism, especially in places where Catholic schools are readily available. Most working class families could never homeschool their kids; the family in the linked-to essay was proof of this: the only customers of a boutique wine shop. In a country where Catholic identity was often shaped by its schools, the idea that “I have primary responsibility to educate my kids” isn’t just cultish, but almost smacks me as un-Catholic. Just look at all of those kids from the ghetto banging down the door and working hard just to get into a Catholic school.
I went to public schools all my life, even in college, and luckily I took advantages of the gifted and talented classes offered there. My wife went to Catholic school only for kindergarden, and the rest of the time lived in suburbs where the public school system was better than the Catholic schools. Guess where her parents sent her. If we both kept the Faith, it was because of the examples of our family, and not the form of our education. Kids overall can be far better or worse than the circumstances that surround them. I have seen SSPX kids who were no better than pagans or aspiring frat boys, and I have seen hard working kids from the ghetto who kept their noses clean and were downright virtuous. There is only so much a parent can do.
To answer your question, brettsalkeld, in the Catholic high school in which I taught in New Mexico (the last place I taught in the U.S.), refusal to pledge allegiance was treated as a disciplinary infraction.
When “pledging” was made mandatory in schools in South Carolina in the 80s, the bastard who was my school principal, knowing full well that Jehovah’s Witnesses are unable to pledge, went to a turncoat Witness minister and got a “ruling” from him that the little Witnesses COULD be made to stand at attention, out of “respect,” even if they didn’t have to “pledge.” While my homeroom students recited their little chauvinistic spiel, I fingered my rosary beads, and when the kids asked me what I was doing, I said, “You pray to your God, and let me pray to mine!”
Checking in from a Catholic high school in Texas, where my son is allowed not to participate in the daily pledge of allegience, so long as he is not otherwise creating a disturbance or distraction.
So, check with the principle before registering. Duly noted. Thanks Digby. Great line, by the way.
digby, I’m sorry, but the thought of you teaching high-school in South Carolina (!) of all places in the 1980′s brings a smile to my face. I’m sure the administration absolutely *loved* you. ;)
After my father retired as the chief employer in that city, I was almost run out of town on a rail. In fact, the “Board of Deacons” of the First Baptist Church held an “investigation” of my AP English course.
good call on the impure other
I pretty much agree with what MZ and others have said; our kids went through both parochial and public schools and did fine. They had good teachers who were trained for their job and did it better than I could have. However there is one situation where I would have homeschooled in a heartbeat. That would have been if there was a toxic peer group making my child’s life a living hell; and the school refused to do anything about it. No child should have to live with that kind of a situation.
Melody, I know exactly what you’re talking about, and agree with you. As a teacher myself, I can tell you that teachers get almost no support from craven public school administrators in trying to stamp it out. When we do, we are condemned by these servants of the public’s prejudices as “making it worse.” This is one reason among many why I would never again teach in a public school in the United States. It’s the most illiberal teaching environment I have encountered in the whole world–and I’ve been all over the world, in my capacity as an international teacher.
My daughter is in a magnet public school program. I decided to put her in public school because the academics were superior to the Catholic school in town.
Also: Regrading the Pledge, Brett: I currently am taking a class on the law and teaching and in the United States, the Pledge is prevalent in public schools, BUT schools and teachers cannot coerce a student into the pledge. The student must remain respectful if he/she chooses to opt out. It works pretty well. Students who choose to say it, stand, those who don’t sit, or stand but don’t do anything else.
Good post, MZ. I see families here where the mom is non-stop pregnant, looks frazzled ALL the time, and even suffers from depression, but God forbid that her children should be educated by anyone else but her. It just doesn’t seem healthy to me.
I hear a lot more about home-schooling from the political right than from the left (adding, I *have* heard it from the left, but it doesn’t seem to be as prevalent.)
What that means, I have no idea.
Though both sides say they’re losing, the right actually believes it?
Matt,
Back in the 80s and early 90s homeschooling circles were pretty evenly split between far left, far right, and a sprinkling of those who were just heavily academically oriented. The far left component is still out there, but it hasn’t grown much since then, while the religious right has vastly expanded their numbers among homeschoolers. Still, if you check out groups like the Bay Area Homeschoolers, you’ll still find a lot of the original left/anarchist/unschooled types.
Probably has a lot to do with who feel like the public schools reflect their worldview, and also who has parental manpower at home, that the right has grown a lot more on homeschooling in the last 25 years than the left.
And, of course, that’s why many leftists feel the need to be against it — simple us/themism.
At one point I was quite sympathetic with homeschoolers. I’m not against homeschooling in principle, although dealing with homeschooling families has eroded almost all of my sympathy. It isn’t enough for a person to respect they have the right to make their choices, but you have to agree with their choice and self-loathe that you didn’t make the same choice. Then there is the nonsense of all always being above average and the shock that your child might actually end up being served well in the public schools.
That is a lot of animus towards home schoolers to pack into one comment. The question that really needs to be asked is best for the child or children. And evalute it every year in light of the child’s progress or lack of progress.
The statistics I’ve seen is that home schooled children perform higher on standardized tests and have higher college GPAs. Neither of which are perfect measures of the success of home schooling. My oldest is five and we do plan to home school. The real measure of the success of home schooling is whether my children retain their faith throughout their lives and attain the beatific vision at the end of their life. Not what college they can get into or how much they earn. And because you can’t bring others to the fullness of truth if your faith is not solid.
As to being the salt inside school. That is tough to ask of a twelve year old. Whenever I read a story about a student “witnessing” by wearing a Christian t-shirt I suspect that their parents are the ones using their children.
And not to sidetrack, but it always seems the Vox Nova is against something. Home schooling, pro lifers, Republicans, the finality of the church teaching on contraception…
It’s easy to be against something, it’s harder to be for something.
Katherine writes, “The real measure of the success of home schooling is whether my children retain their faith throughout their lives and attain the beatific vision at the end of their life.”
You nailed it! That is what I was going to say until I read your comment. That goal has to be the primary goal of Catholic education. If it’s not, then something is dreadfully wrong.
“As to being the salt inside school. That is tough to ask of a twelve year old.”
For that matter it’s a lot to ask of a 16-year-old. They are still growing throughout high school, spiritually as well as physically and mentally.
Our solution was a school founded by former homeschool parents, recognized but not run by the diocese. Whose mission statement, by the way, states specifically that its Number One Mission is to help parents in their mission to make sure their kids get to heaven. My kids had previously attended a diocesan grade school, and we did our best to instill the faith in them ourselves as well (obviously). But their faith did not really start to bloom until we transferred them to this parent-run school.
The difference is what I think of as the “community of faith”. Faith is nourished not merely when the tenets of the faith are taught in school, but when there is a community of believers, when one’s peers as well as their parents are striving to live the faith, and making it the number one priority in their lives. As opposed to being surrounded by students whose parents sent them to a diocesan school primarily because they wanted them to be challenged academically, so as to get into a more prestigious high school and thence to a top college.
I think what homeschool parents dread about sending their kids to diocesan or public schools, is the absence of this community of faith, and the dangers that poses to their kids’ faith, and ultimately their salvation.
In my time as a youth minister. I haven’t noticed any real discrepancy between homeschooled kids and regular kids, beyond some tiny things.
The kids who seem to have a lot of problems socializing though, are the ones who’s parents send them to cyber-schools. I think that’s just a bad idea.