Sage advice from the confessional
I hope I’m not violating the Seal of the Confessional by posting this. My understanding is that the Seal applies only to priests, and I think the advice that I received today after making my confession is worth sharing, but if I’m breaking some rule, let me know. In addition, I apologize if this post is a bit rambling and/or poorly written; I’m still trying to organize these thoughts in my own mind.
Anyway, I received the Sacrament of Reconciliation at the National Shrine today from a fairly young priest who I’d never seen around CUA before. For penance, he assigned me to say the Our Father and to meditate particularly upon the words “Lead us not into temptation.” He told me that based on my confession, it seemed to him that I was spending far too much time “wrestling with [my] vices” and not nearly enough time “wrestling with God.” It was time, he said, to stop “looking over my shoulder” at my faults, and instead to “look ahead,” to “get behind Jesus” and “let Him lead” me.
These words resulted in quite a bit of self-examination on my part, as I realized that too much focus on my sins and personal guilt can, in some sense, become a form of pride. As the Catholic musician Bob Rice wrote a while back, “I’m sure I am far more shocked about my sinful behavior than God is. I’m surprised by my sin; a sure sign of my pride that is at the heart of it.” God does not need our groveling; God does not need us to bemoan our sins; God does not need us come to Him and say, “Woe is me, for I have done such horrible things!” He already knows it better than we do, and does not need or (I believe) want a reminder. What I believe the Lord wants is for us to trust in Him, to turn to the Cross and be reminded that He is not only willing but indeed eager to forgive our sins.
Don’t misunderstand me: this isn’t just some happy-clappy feel-good I’m-OK-and-you’re-OK theology. For those who have honestly examined themselves and are aware of their sins, to believe and trust in unconditional Divine Mercy is the hardest thing in the world. For in our human folly, we believe that in order to “worthily” ask for mercy, we must first spend as much time as possible beating ourselves up, manufacturing feelings of guilt and humility, and shedding crocodile tears over sins of which God is already well aware. What rubbish! What arrogance and folly, to think that we can somehow make ourselves “more worthy” of God’s mercy! These actions are signs not of true repentance, but of a desire to think more highly of ourselves, to think that we have somehow “made up” for our failings.
The truth is that we are not, and never will be, worthy of Divine Mercy. That’s why it’s called mercy. That’s why God became man and took our sins upon His own shoulders, because we in our humanity are absolutely helpless. Truly humble repentance consists not of manufacturing feelings, not of engaging in self-flagellation, but rather of acknowledging this fact, acknowledging and trusting that God will help us to move on. To the extent that we do think of our own failings, it should only be as a reminder of our own weakness, and of the depth and breadth of God’s charity. And our reaction should not be to wail and moan, but rather to get up, dust ourselves up, and follow Him, trusting that He will “deliver us from evil” not because of any merit of our own, but because of His goodness made manifest on the Cross.
We read in the Gospel of John that “the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” This passage speaks of the darkness of the world, but I think it is equally applicable to the darkness of sin within each of our souls. We should indeed acknowledge the existence of sin within us, but we should not focus on it. Instead, this acknowledgment should cause us to focus on the light that also lives within us, the light that is God, Who created us, loves us, and wants us to be with Him for Eternity. He will not abandon us. When we focus on the darkness of sin, it shows that we trust ourselves to overcome it. When we focus on the Light, it shows that we trust Him. And it is in this trust that we find true repentance, true humility, true faith, and, most importantly, true love for Him.
Thanks for passing along that advice–which seems to me even better than “sage.”
I know, I’ve been thinking about it ever since. In addition to causing quite a bit of self-examination, this advice also made me realize how often we take our priests for granted. Priests like the one who gave me this advice put up with a lot, and in doing so bring great benefit to many poor souls like mine. We need to pray for them.
This has played a big part in my own life and spiritual progress.
My spiritual director pointed it out as a problem when we were just getting started, about six years ago, and it took me over five years to figure out what he was getting at, what you found out.
When we think about our weaknesses, vices, and sins, we’ve taken our gaze off of Christ and put it on ourselves. In this respect it is most certainly pride. “Oh, I’m so bad.” And so on. We must learn to keep our eyes glued to our Saviour, because the fact that He is the source of all mercy and goodness is much more important than even the worst of our personal sins.
As you point out, this is not to dismiss or even to minimize those sins, merely to understand what they really are in relation to God’s goodness: nto that important.
So, as my spiritual director says, taking a page from Lorenzo Scupoli’s The Spiritual Combat, when you sin, stop. Stop, look, recognize it for what it is, be sorry, then move on as if it didn’t even happen. Keep your gaze on Christ.
Two points:
1. As to the seal, here is the relevant canon:
Can. 983 §1. The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.
§2. The interpreter, if there is one, and all others who in any way have knowledge of sins from confession are also obliged to observe secrecy.
As such, the seal applies to a person who overhears a confession, an interpreter, and to the confessor.
As a general rule, it is a good practice to avoid reference to what is said in sacramental Confession for two reasons. First, those to whom the seal applies have no means of self defense. We ought provide no opportunity to impugn them by revealing what we have heard. For a priest, if he had posted what was above, it would be an “indirect violation” of the seal of Confession. While most readers of this blog may have no knowledge of who the confessor in this narrative is, perhaps someone who is more familiar with the CUA world could have a pretty good idea of who it was. Given that a date, a location and a description of the priest were given, this would certainly be a violation of the seal for a priest, had he alternately described the penitent instead of himself.
Second, it is generally a good idea to not to get in the habit of being casual with the Sacrament of Confession. The more we talk about specific confessions, the more that becomes easy to do. I am not saying that this narrative demonstrates a casual habit. I am simply describing something to be avoided.
2. I appreciate the posts on this blog. Thank you for posting.
May God bless you abundantly!