Due Date
Today marks the expected delivery date of our daughter Vivian Marie, but her birth may be a few weeks away. This is a difficult day for us, both longed for and feared. We learned over Holy Week that our daughter has anencephaly, a rare and fatal condition. Statistics say that about half of the babies diagnosed with this condition make it to term, but those statistics may not be accurate as the typical response to anencephaly is abortion. We hoped during Holy Week and we continue to hope now that we’ll be blessed to share some time with Vivian. Anencephalic babies that survive the birth typically live a few hours to a few days. Vivian continues to be very active, kicking and twisting and bending and stretching. My wife and I want very much to hold her and comfort her and say hello to her before we’re forced to say goodbye. We want our three-year-old son to meet his sister.
The months since April have challenged us physically, emotionally, and spiritually as we’ve prepared for both her birth and burial. We’ve struggled with responding to people who in passing congratulate my wife on the pregnancy. What do you say? How do you say it? We’ve had to respond many times but still lack a definitive answer to those questions. Many people around us know about Vivian’s condition, and the support we’ve received from our family, friends, parishioners, neighbors, and even strangers has been an awesome blessing to us, but many others do not know and won’t find out until they see us post-birth with no baby in our arms. We’ve also faced uncertainty about what it means to be good parents to Vivian. We plan to baptize her, but we won’t be able to raise her in the faith. We won’t be able to educate her or play with her. We can’t fix her condition. We couldn’t have prevented it. Nevertheless, we have loved her and will continue to love her. We have suffered with her and will continue to suffer with her. She may not know us, but her not knowing us doesn’t prevent our presence to her. Whatever happens, we will be with her.
I am told that events such as this will either strengthen a marriage or tear it apart. I’ve heard this from several people. I believe it, and I believe that my wife and I will grow closer together through this. We already have. We will support each other. We will grieve together and we will not forget. And we will we be broken. We already are. I think it is important to acknowledge this brokenness and that this brokenness will not be fully healed in this life. I think of Frodo Baggins needing healing beyond what even the Shire could give. I think what will give us the strength to endure will, in part, be the understanding that time will not heal our wounds and so we should not expect that complete healing will come in time. In time we will be broken, but in time we will love and remember and cherish, hope and pray and smile and sing. For our daughter. For Vivian. Whatever happens, we are honored and glad to be her parents.
Comments are closed.
My heart and prayers goes out to you, your wife, your son and your daughter.
God be with you, Kyle.
VIVIAN: English form of French Viviane, meaning “alive; animated; lively.”
*tear*
She will be beautiful Kyle.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lord have mercy, and eternal memory!
A friend of mine went through something similar a few years ago. You’re right, you won’t get through this unchanged, but by God’s grace you will get through it. Remember that Vivian’s entire life will be spent basking in her parents’ love. My prayers are with all of you.
Vivian couldn’t have had better parents. Prayers for her journey and for yours.
I pray for comfort for your entire family, Kyle.
My prayers are with you and your family.
My feeble and unworthy prayers are with you and your family.
My prayers Kyle for you, your wife and Vivian. My paternal grandmother lost a daughter immediately after birth. Even half a century after when she mentioned it to me her face still showed the joy and grief she experienced that day. God be with all three of you.
Our prayers are for your family. This happened to a family friend. They loved their baby immensely during her three days of life, as I’m sure your family will do in the time God gives her to you. We have had three miscarriages, which were difficult to bear, so know that you are not alone and that God will be there with you through it all.
Kyle, you are all in my thoughts. Peace.
Kyle, I am deeply moved. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Kyle,
When people congratulate you and your wife on her pregnancy, simply say “thank you” and at the same time silently thank God, in your inmost heart for this most precious gift. The spirit of this darling child is whole and healthy and is praising God, even in the womb.
God bless you all.
My prayers and my tears are for you and with you and your family Kyle.
Prayers for all of you, Kyle.
Thank you all for the kind words, thoughts, and prayers.