My thoughts:
Moms need support to breastfeed. Our societal views on “how babies should be” just don’t allow for this overall. The norms need to be changed so that it is a common and normal thing to see women breastfeeding in our society. I have decided that with my next baby, I will be nursing in church and not leaving to sit in another room where I cannot hear or participate in the Mass. I should not have to leave just because I don’t use a bottle. I can be discreet, so I am not going to feel self-conscious this time.

Nobody can make anyone else feel guilty. Guilt comes from within. Example: I cannot afford the top-of-the-line car seat for my child. I know she would be better protected in it, but since it is virtually an impossibility for me, I go with another seat. I choose not to feel guilty when other people talk about the safety of their more expensive seats. I could choose to feel guilty as well, and probably would if my child were injured in a car accident. But I still think that guilt would come from within me.

The term “breastfeeding nazis” is really too much… Nazis did horrible, terrible things to people. I would love to see this term just go away.

The hospitals give out formula samples because it profits them. They have sold out to formula companies in order to receive perks. That is not right. Hospitals should push what is proven to be healthiest. There is formula available in the hospital supplies for emergencies – and it was not provided as a sample by the companies. The samples are unethical – anyone who wants a sample can write to the formula company and receive them in the mail. Hospitals, who should market health and health alone, should not be the place where you ask for formula samples. They can give you formula from their own supplies if it is deemed necessary. It is unethical on many levels… one of which being that most mothers will stick with the expensive name brand they receive as a sample in the hospital, believing it is “doctor-endorsed” and that they cannot switch to a more affordable (yet just as good) brand. And I am not even going to go into the unethical practices some of these companies have in taking advantage of babies in third world countries.

While I appreciated the support of those who understood my genuine sadness over not being able to breast-feed, let’s not overstate this. As someone who has experienced real tragedy (losing multiple pregnancies), I feel that not being able to breast-feed is a disapointment, not a tragedy. I refuse to characterize having a well-nourished, well-loved, healthy, living baby as tragic.

I agree that breast-feeding is the ideal. However, even though there are medical reasons why I cannot breast-feed, I don’t care to be spoken of as ill or disabled. I’m over that and feeling fine.

Maybe rather than having a single policy of giving or not giving formula samples, moms could be asked their preference and receive it or not. That way, breastfeeding moms wouldn’t have to receive them but those who wanted them could get them. For people who can’t or choose not to breastfeed and who may not be well-off, the free samples can be really helpful. (And of course make sure all mothers are educated on the full scope of benefits).

I have to say the emphasis from all fronts in our case was to breastfeed, and a few samples of formula wouldn’t have made a difference or even constituted “pressure.” They emphasized ALL aspects, particularly health (not “just the food side of it” — trust me, by the time our baby arrived I could rattle off the myriad benefits of breastfeeding from memory).

I would also say there was an over-emphasis on breastfeeding to the point where, with some of our nurses, there was a failure to recognize or be fully cognizant of situations where mothers were not able to produce. In our own case, our child was undernourished (through the attempt at breastfeeding) and almost wasn’t released — seeing that the child was underweight, my wife was basically urged to keep on breastfeeding, and it was only with the advice of some understanding nurses and consulting our pediatrician after we left that we were advised to supplement with formula.

It has the whole immune system from the mom. The reality formula is just formula. It will suffice, but only as a last resort measure to ensure the child doesn’t starve to death.

While breast-feeding does confer some benefits and is recognizably the ideal, there are lots of formula-fed kids (and adults) out there who are just as healthy as BF kids. Our pediatrician friend has really seen no difference when we expressed our concerns. I think it would be overstating it to suggest that giving formula is necessarily going to short-change your child’s health. So, breastfeeding may be best, but formula is good nutrition and the fact is that most kids aren’t going to fall horribly ill just because they weren’t breastfed.

I don’t think the guilt comes from “Breastfeeding Nazis.” I think the guilt comes from wanting to do one thing and not being able to.

Speaking from having witnessed what my wife had to go through, I can say the external message had an impact: that she was a “second-best” mom for giving formula, and for BF advocates (nurses and acquaintances) who basically didn’t take her seriously and simply told her to “try harder.” As a pediatrician friend of ours said: “Everyone is so eager to help women succeed in breastfeeding that they forget the crushing expectations they put on new mothers.”

Situations like yours, where there is a physiological impediment, are tragic–like an illness or disability

By the same token, now that we’ve made the switch and she’s worked through her disappointment, we don’t regard our decision to use formula as a tragedy (in fact, I can say it probably saved our baby’s life). Having forgone the heroic (but insufficient) measures to give it the best try she could, she/we now have time and energy to be a better parents and spend time with the baby. I agree that BF is a definite plus (if you can do it, more power to you), but ultimately it’s love and good care that makes a good mother.

Again, I don’t disagree with the emphasis or the demonstratable benefits placed on breastfeeding — just that one can also “pressure” to the point where it becomes unreasonable, and especially in the context of a hospital BF advocates should recognize that formula may in fact be a necessity for some mothers.

If you nursed, but also used pacifers, pumped, or supplemented, your fertility will return even faster.

I have two friends who ecologically breastfeed and their fertility returns 2 months post partum! So, I am not denying that it happens, I am saying that for the “average” woman, her fertility will be delayed.

Also, MOST, not all, ecological breastfeeding moms are also NFP users so I ALWAYS recommend them to chart 6 wks post partum IF you want to delay getting pregnant again.

Anyway, thanks for bringing up a good point.

And Ben, you said, it much better than I. Thank you.

I sympathize with your family that your wife was not able to breastfeed for physiological reasons. It must be a real cross to bear for both her and your child/ren. However, this doesn’t not mean that we should “lighten-up” on the pressure to breast feed. Breastfeeding is just the right thing to do–period. For a minimum of 12 months.

Situations like yours, where there is a physiological impediment, are tragic–like an illness or disability–and should be understood in those terms. Your wife should not be made to feel guilty, But she shuold instead recieve sympathy and support for having to endure a condition of what is essentially poor health.

Since hospitals should be about health care, new exhausted mothers should not receive free sample from the whole formula industry. Talk about pressure! New moms nurse non-stop. That is what breastfeeding and babies are all about. That is why support is SO crucial for the mom. The problem is that when we speak about breastfeeding we only talk about the food side of it. But milk doesn’t just have food. It has the whole immune system from the mom. The reality formula is just formula. It will suffice, but only as a last resort measure to ensure the child doesn’t starve to death.

I don’t think the guilt comes from “Breastfeeding Nazis.” I think the guilt comes from wanting to do one thing and not being able to. In reality that is parenting, if it is not breastfeeding it is something else. You do your best and if some medical issue comes up, then you go to Plan B. The goal is to keep your child alive and as healthy as possible. The best is breast! And if not, then manufactured food will have to do.